Expanding Our Window of Tolerance: Building Capacity For Life

Transcript

Hi there. I'm Michael Kaine and welcome to another episode of Bodie Talk, a channel dedicated to helping you open to life more fully. In today's video, we'll be talking about and exploring the window of tolerance and the amazing benefits for us when we are able to expand our window of tolerance, our capacity for life. So we'll be looking at what is the window of tolerance, the benefits and the practice of building a larger window of tolerance and when we find ourselves outside the window of tolerance whether it be kind of out here up here on the top where we have anxiety and hypervigilance or we're down here in shutdown, depression or freeze. How can we find ourselves back in that functional zone? Right? That window of tolerance where we have more capacity. Okay, so before we get started, just a reminder that if you like this video, please click the like button below. If you have any questions or comments, which I hope you will, uh you can put those uh below as well. Uh please uh , especially if you'd like to get uh notifications for up andcoming videos that we'll be putting out. Uh also, if you'd like to know more about me or the work that I do here at Natural Body Wellness, you'll find a link to my web page below as well. So, let's talk about the window of tolerance. So, we're going to kind of break this uh video up into parts. Again, it's such a a great video and so helpful if we are able to utilize some of these tools and things that are in this video. So, we're going to talk about the window of tolerance and what it is. We're going to talk about what it's like to be outside the window of tolerance. We're going to talk about what it's what, you know, tools and things we can use to get back into the window of tolerance. we're back into that functional zone where we have capacity for life and more freedom. Uh and then we're going to talk about, you know, really the the the main uh thing that I want to talk about in this video is how we can build a larger window of tolerance. More capacity equals more freedom. Right? That's just the way it is. the less limited I am, the more uh openness I have, clarity, uh the more ability I have to move through life in a very functional, resilient way. So, uh and then we'll we'll talk a little bit about the benefits of that and and what that means for us. So, uh the first thing we want to talk about is what is the window of tolerance? Well, it's a term coined by Dr. Dan Seagull who is a doctor of psychology and psychiatrics at UCLA. Um lots of great books out there by uh Dr. Dan Seagull that you you'll find uh quite helpful. Uh but what is the window of tolerance? Well, it's this window of functional. It's like a functional zone in a way or a capacity. Uh when we're in the the uh window of tolerance, we have uh more flexibility. We're flexible. We um feel more grounded, more present. We feel uh we have more emotional regulation. We're open. We're curious. We have more resilience. Right? When u things fall apart, when we have to move into a challenge, we're we're much more able to to be with that without getting swept away by our emotions and and falling apart. we're able to function basically. So that's our window of tolerance. Uh window of tolerance or capacity again equals freedom. The more the larger the window, the more freedom uh that we have. Um of course you know it's relative to our lives. It's you know it's not good or bad uh to have you know that we have a larger window or a smaller window. We can always build it. That's the great thing. We can lose a window of tolerance, but we can also build it. And so, no matter where we are, that's where we want to begin. And then we can build from there. Um, let's see some of the things that can uh can create a smaller window of tolerance or you know decide how much of a window of tolerance or how much capacity we have for life can can be all kinds of things. uh the way we were raised. Um traumas, developmental trauma, shock trauma, um events that have happened in our life, even events that have recently happened even in adulthood can determine uh how much window of tolerance we have or losing or gaining. One of the things that we know is uh like after uh COVID or during COVID uh a lot of people that were very functional before COVID um lost a lot of capacity, a lot of window of tolerance uh because they stopped going to work, they weren't going to the grocery store, they're having their food delivered, they weren't socially engaging. So when uh when we had to go back into the world, back to work and and back into the world, a some people, many people actually uh had a hard time with that. There were some people experienced anxiety and panic and a lot of people had to in either knowingly, consciously or subconsciously, we were having to like rebuild our capacity for life, right? And certain things. So uh all kinds of things can can create uh a larger or a smaller window. One of the things that can really create a a smaller window or a smaller capacity for us is really the culture that we live in here in America. There are a lot of distractions, a lot of things that disconnect us. Uh the culture in a way is kind of set up uh to say okay you don't have to deal with those challenges or problems. You can go on your phone, you can take this medication, you can have a drink, you can go on your cell phone, um go on social media, uh all kinds of different ways that we can uh distract or disassociate from challenges and difficulties. And so it's not even our fault. We that's the kind of the way we're raised a lot of times. And the culture kind of says, "Oh, you know, this is what you need." And and so either it's trying to push us or take us away from difficulties whether they be internal or external or it's you know you can be happier if you do this. And uh so we what we want to be an advocate for our own uh mental and spiritual and emotional health. And so we want to look out for these things. You know, anytime that we're trying to get away and using something to get away, our window of tolerance is going to diminish a little bit. And the other thing is that we become dependent on those things that take us away from difficulty and challenges or uh those things that create more happiness that we need to to use to create more happiness, right? Or more uh contentment in our life. Um what we really want is a kind of natural capacity, not something that we need to depend on. We want to be able to feel like we are able to um you know deal with the challenges and and not be so limited. So so that's the the window of tolerance. Um so there are um different ways again that we can can move in and out of the window of tolerance. you know, we have either hyper arousal or hypoarousal, meaning that we can be outside the window. Well, let's just say that the window is kind of like a real window, right? There's this window of tolerance. On the top, we have anxiety, uh, you know, overwhelm, things like that. And then on the bottom we have um hypoarousal which is freeze, depression, um uh shut down, things like that. So the first thing we'll talk about is what's it like to be outside the window of tolerance window of tolerance up here. And that's going to be again anxiety, overwhelm, you know, chaotic thinking dysregulation um an inability to have to manage emotions. So we get swept away by our emotions quite easily. And of course, we're in that fightlight kind of hypervigilant experience. So that's what it's like to to be up here in um hyper arousal. to be in hypoarousal again it's a kind of shutdown numbness um depression uh freeze uh and now just to be fair there are there are different kinds of freeze we can have this very collapsed you know kind of helplessness or freeze that that we can have down here but there there's also a freeze up here in the sympathetic area so there there can be a what we call a tonic immobility So immobility meaning it's a kind tension inside. We can't move. Um but it's got a lot of energy associated to it. So we can be in a freeze up here or a freeze down here. Either way, both of those are outside the window of tolerance. So how can we bring ourselves back into the window of tolerance? Whether we're up here in hyperarousal or down here in hypoarousal. Well, if we're up here in uh like I said, activation or overwhelm, uh there is some some great tools to bring us down. So, that's important, right? So, if we're up here, we want to downregulate, create less energy, settle, right? We want to create some settling. If we're down here in hypo arousal, we want to upregulate. We want to create energy. So, here we are. We're up here in overwhelm, hypervigilance, fight, flight. or activated. Um, and so some of the things that are are we want to be able to do some things that are quite simple to affect the uh reptilian brain, right? The nervous system. And so uh what I like to do, there's some very simple tools. I'm going to give you a bunch of different ones, but I like to start with orienting, grounding, and movement of joints, right? So, you know, maybe you can uh play along with me here for a moment. Maybe you have a little bit of anxiety or a little bit of stress in your throughout your day today, a little bit of tension. Maybe you're feeling a little bit outside. Maybe you're just up near the top. But let's play a little bit with this. So, the first thing I would do is I would do a little orienting. So maybe notice five things in the environment around you, right? Five things that you can pause with and notice things that you like, right? Shapes colors things that you like in the environment around you. Good. Noticing that allowing yourself. One of the things that u that is really important about whether you're in hyper or hypoarousal is that we want to begin by accepting where we are. the more we try to fight and get away from how we feel or where we are, um the more uh the more tension, the more activation we're going to to create uh in in hyperarousal. So, the first thing we really want to do is just accept where we are, whether it's feeling anxious or if we feel okay, that's fine as well. But just starting there and then we're doing these tools or using these tools to create a better container so that the system will naturally settle back down. So we're noticing things that next thing. So five things that you can see three things that you can hear. So letting your ears do a little orienting. So I can hear some traffic outside. I can hear the clock ticking, right? I hear some other sounds. And then if you're able, one thing that you can touch could be your clothes, your skin, could be something next to you. just some texture that you can touch and orienting with your hand or your hands. Yeah. And then notice, I mean, we're doing this fairly quickly, but maybe you notice in this little piece that we're doing here, maybe you notice a little bit more settling coming in, right? Right. That things are shifting down a little bit if you're in that more activated state. So some other ways that uh we can work with hyper uh arousal um to create more to get us back into the window right back into that functional zone would be um let's see noticing a sense of safety. Um uh joint movement we didn't me we started to talk about that one. So that's really just moving joints in the body, right, to open up the body and create a better container for energy because we tend to when we feel activated, we tend to get tight, right, when we feel stressed. So joint movement is a really important thing. Uh just a reminder that I'm going to put uh some links in the description for all kinds of different videos that I've done in the past that will be quite helpful in both uh working with hyper or uh hypoarousal and bringing ourselves back in the window. And also you'll find some links to videos that will help us uh when we get into this section of building a window a larger window of tolerance. So look for those in the description below. So let's see what else. A warm bath, weighted blanket, soft music. Um you know uh directing energy out sometimes if you can do that in a gentle way like um if you have a lot of anger for instance or healthy aggression or injustice feeling and you feel that being able to squeeze a pillow right directing the energy out or pushing against a wall a little bit. Right? Those are ways that we can direct energy out which actually will help create a little bit more settling. So those are all different ways to work with um a more activated um hypervigilant anxious overwhelm kind of state like hyperarousal um hypoarousal right so again uh hyper we want to downregulate hypo we want to upregulate. So, if we're in freeze or um disconnected, uh depression, right, shutdown, uh we want to be able to bring energy into the system. And again, we want to start where we are, not trying to push ourselves too hard, but really using what we call titration, being able to ease ourselves based on our capacity at the time. easing ourselves into um a little bit more and more um energy uh until we you know we don't want to do too too much because we we we might overwhelm the the system in some way and and make it make ourselves shut down even more. So we want to just ease into uh creating energy uh and aliveness in the body. Um there are all kinds of ways to do that. You might have some ways that you like to use um orienting again actually can create some energy brings us out of our kind of fog in a way that can be quite helpful. Um movement again uh even the movements we were talking about before moving the the hands and the arms and the legs and such. Uh exercise any kind of exercise can be quite helpful. um things that have a bit more energy associated with them like in yoga like a venyasa type yoga. Uh let's see um um a brisk walk around the block that can be quite helpful. uh meditation, you know, meditations that bring energy into the system, dancing, balancing, um social engagement really important to um to to get on the phone if you have to or get out and talk to people. That will create that will bring aliveness and energy into the system. And again, I know that all of these things sound I make them sound simple and easy. Um but the they may be simple but they're not easy and and I recognize that but again you know one of my teachers used to say the antidote to depression is willpower. So we have to create some energy to begin to create energy in a way and um so let's see uh upbeat music um breath we didn't talk about breath before um so we know that um in breath is going to create uh is more uh sympathetic so it's going to create more energy and aliveness and outreath is parasympathetic so it's going to settle so we could use a a long outreath when we're trying to downregulate and a a long inb breath for to create energy. So, um if you find yourself in that place right now, again, we could just do a real quick little piece here. Um and and here's the thing is that for some people that I work with, they're in bed. They can't even get out of bed. And that's when when when our when they have a very small window of tolerance and because of again it's relative different things have happened to people uh and their window of tolerance has gotten smaller their capacity and we we have to build it back up. So it may be that somebody that's just in bed we just starting with just moving the hands right and then doing that a few times. You might do that with me, right? Like squeeze and open and squeeze and open and then just notice that there's some sensation there. There's energy that gets created in your hands. You might notice that, right? And that may be where we start. And if that feels okay, if we're able to do that, then maybe we can start to move the arms a little bit, right? We're titrating ourselves into energy. You know, maybe we can move the shoulders a little bit, right? You might move your shoulders and your arms, right? Move your neck, right? Move your jaw. Any of these things are going to start to create energy and aliveness, right? Move your legs. And then at some point, you're like, "Oh, wow. I can get up out of the chair. I can get up out of bed. And now I can start to walk around, right? I can start to walk around the room and then maybe I can start to walk around the yard and then I can walk around the neighborhood and uh so we're building energy and uh all these different things. You you have your own ways that you can do that. Walk on the beach, whatever it takes to create energy. uh that's going to bring us out of that those those hypo states and back into that functional zone again. And uh you know one of the things that I didn't mention before on both sides whether it's hypo or hyper is you know sometimes we need help. We need some therapy. We need some healing work. Um somebody that can help us. Massage can help on both ends hyper hypo um to create energy or to settle us. Um so sometimes we need support. we need help from others to to help us get moving and to build to get us back into that functional zone again. So, hope that's helpful um on you know explaining hyper and hypo and how to get back into that functional zone. Now, uh, really important is to actually build more capacity when we, you know, it's really important to remember that we're not going to do this building capacity when we're when we are in hypervigilance, right? When we're activated, super activated, um, overwhelmed. We're we're we're going to wait until we settle a little bit before we want to do that. But it's super important and super beneficial to be able to build uh more capacity a larger window it you know it's like capacity credit for the future the you know capacity equals freedom that's really really important so how can we build a larger window of tolerance so uh the the best way I like to describe this is what I call I it's a term from that I learned from yoga which is that we are stretching into the edge of discomfort. Right? We're not pushing our way through. You're not forcing anything. We're just gently titrating or stretching into the edge of discomfort, right? Not pain, right? But discomfort, internal challenges, external challenges, our boss, our kids, um a traffic jam, all kinds of things. You know, it could start with the smallest little sound outside. Sometimes I work with that with people. I just, you know, some sound bothers them. And can we can we open to that? Again, that's the most important thing of really learning to befriend the things that we can't be with that starts to create that capacity. So um so some of the things that we can do to build a larger window of tolerance uh some of the same things that we talked about before with um u with the other two things that we were talking about hyper hypo um exercise um uh getting more getting good sleep a good diet social engagement um let's see again therapy or doing healing work um can get you know sometimes we need some help. We need people to help us to build capacity to help us push through or get through not push through right stretch into the edge of discomfort and uh and that in turn for every action there's a reaction right we build capacity and we have u we have more more freedom in our lives. We know that um that the the more that we walk away or or push away from the difficulties internal external, the smaller the window is going to get, the less capacity we have and the more disregulated we're going to get. Um so we we want to be trying every day at least the tiniest bit to stretch into the edge of discomfort. And for each of us that's going to be different. That's relative, right? For some of you, it's like a sound or the dog barking um or some internal itch or something like that that I can learn to be with. It's very much like um you know an analogy for this would be like uh lifting weights, right? So I go to the gym, I my you know my maximum the capacity that I want to get to is 100 pounds. I want to lift 100 pounds. But I don't start with 100 pounds. I start with 10 pounds and I do that for a week and then I and I at first it's like, "Oh, that's really hard." And then after a week it's like, "Wow, that's not difficult at all." And what do I do? I put on 10 more pounds. But guess what just happened? I just doubled my capacity, right? So my window of tolerance got larger. And so you can think about that in life. how what are, you know, things that I can just stretch into a little bit that are difficult for me, but but I could maybe stretch in a little bit at a time, you know, like getting into the water, right? I stick my toe in the water and then I back away and then I stick my foot in the water and eventually I'm able to get in the water. Um, again, it does take some willpower. It takes patience, right? And there will be things that you know we can't be with. And you know in those situations I say can you be with not being able to be with that? That's a beginning. So we want to start where we are. We don't want to you don't want to push ourselves too much. Um another um as I said earlier you'll find some links to uh some of my other videos. One of the things that uh we can use for capacity building or larger window of tolerance would be pendulation. Um and what does that mean? It means that there's something that's difficult. You know, maybe I have a an ache in my body or an emotion that's difficult or something that's difficult internal, external, and then there's something that's that's more of a resource. So say I have some tightness in my chest for instance and then but my legs and my feet feel really open and at ease. So I move my awareness back and forth to help me be with something that's difficult. I hang out with something that feels okay. And by doing that movement back and forth I start to open up. So just for fun here just for a minute or two um just to try this out for a moment. So you know landing well let's let's do this let's talk about one of the other things that I forgot to mention that's a very good capacitybuing practice and that's mindfulness which you'll also find a link to that uh mindfulness is a capacitybuilding practice right so what is mindfulness I I come back to the present moment right I use my breath a lot of times to anchor me in the present moment and then I'm being here in the present moment, but can I be here with a non-judgmental awareness? Can I be here accepting things in the in this particular moment? Right? Whether it's a sound of the weed eater or the dog or the clock um and can I just allow things especially the things that are a little bit difficult, right? Stretching into the edge of discomfort. That's mindfulness. So maybe just taking a moment, a few moments here, uh or a minute to just land here in the present moment. You might do a little orienting again. Just kind of noticing your environment. Here we are. Deep breath comes in, right? We're landing, right? We're coming into our nice window here. And here we are with joys and sorrows, beauty and amazement, challenges, all of it, all here. And can we just be here with it? Just see what that's like just to hang out here and not need things to be different, right? Not need things to be different, especially the things that we can't change, right? whether it's an itch on my nose or some sound or whatever. So, let's just hang out with this. And again, we're not doing, this is really important for any of the things that we've been talking about today. None of the tools that we're talking about, none of the things that we're doing are to get away from experience. They're all based on creating a better container, right? So we're just doing these things as you know we're accepting the way things are just to create a better container so that I'm not fighting against things that not fighting is going to create more ease is going to create a larger window right more acceptance okay and let's talk about some of the benefits of building a larger window of tolerance having more capacity so of course we'll feel less limit limited u we'll experience more motivation less fear much more clear thinking more resilience again more flexibility more grounded uh able to move into things that are that were before quite challenging you know we're able to be with people in a different way um one of the the big pieces is I think is um uh less chronic illness we know that uh that something like 85% of chronic illness is at least somewhat affected by stress. And of course, we know that a lot of stress is in fact how I'm relating to life, right? Uh wanting things to be different that I can't change. That's what creates a lot of our stress. And so, um, if I have less stress, there's going to be, um, less bracing, all kinds of things, less fighting against life. And so uh the more capacity I have, the more the larger my window of tolerance, the more I can accept and allow right and have more uh being able to adapt. Um more feeling more grounded, more flexible, more open, more curious, all of those things, more present. um the more that I have these things uh the less stress I'm going to have and so um less chronic illness going to live longer going to be happier uh in my life. So very important. Um so I I hope this video has been helpful for you. I hope that you will uh take some of these uh uh things and and work with them. I hope that you'll stretch into the edge of discomfort. I really can tell you for a fact that the more you do this, the the easier life becomes and uh you'll have a lot more fun, less limitations in your life. So, I hope that you will uh do some of these things and build your window of tolerance. So, uh look forward to seeing you again. Uh stay safe. Thank you.