👉 Let Go to Receive | Aparigraha in Love & Relationships (Yoga Philosophy Explained)

Transcript

Question. Have you ever tried to hold tighter in a relationship and that tighter grip made it slip away even faster? Yes. No. Maybe. So yoga calls this a parig graa. Non-grasping or non-attachment. And when you understand it, your relationships will never feel the same. Welcome back to yoga and relationships. I'm Javi, your favorite polyamorous yoga therapist. So let's talk about a parigraha. Again, a parigraha means non-possessiveness, non-grasping, non-attachment. It's not detachment or indifference, but it is about releasing control and letting love flow. Now, on the mat, this can look like tightly clenched fist, gripping your muscles or straining. In life, off the mat, this can look like clinging to a partner's attention, clinging to an outcome or a role, and it equals resistance. Now, I am one that used to believe that if I worked harder, explained more, loved better, that I could keep relationships from ending. I could keep the people I love from leaving me. But gripping onto that only made me lose it even faster every single time. Yoga taught me that letting go creates space for both people to breathe. Now, let's talk about how this looks in relationships, romantic relationships. This can look like loosening that grip on how someone should love you back. In my last relationship, I had resolved to the fact that the partner that I had couldn't love me in a particular way, and I was okay with the way that they loved me. They weren't necessarily okay with the way that they loved me, but I let go enough to allow them to love me in the ways that they wanted to love me instead of forcing them to love me in the way that I wanted them to love me because that would mean that I'd need to change them. And I wanted to let go of that. Now, in friendships, this can look like giving your friends space without starting to spiral into fear. Like, why haven't my friend called me back? Why aren't they inviting me to events? Why did I text them and they left me on red? People be going through stuff and practicing a par graa in our friendships allows us to give our friends a little bit more space so that they can also live their lives because life is lifing for them as well. In family, this can look like loosening expectations of old roles. And in your relationship with yourself, this can look like releasing perfectionism and self-criticism. Now, what is a yoga therapy tool that we can use to support us when these things happen? We can try an open hand meditation. Now, what the is that? Let me tell you. So, step one, you're going to sit comfortably, whatever is a comfortable seat for you. Then you're going to clinch your fist really tight and notice the tension. Step two, you're going to release your hand, palms open, and notice the softness. Right now, this is a par graa in action. Shifting from grasping to allowing. Notice the tension. Notice the ease. And pay attention to how it feels all up your arm. When you clench your fist, you feel it in the forearm, in the shoulder. When you release, you release tension in the forearm, in the shoulder. And then ask yourself, what am I gripping onto that needs to be released? Now remember, Aparia Graha reminds us that you cannot force love, but you can create space for it to grow. Now, if this resonates, be sure to and join me weekly for more yoga and relationship tools. Until next time, my friends.